I got a call this morning at 7:58am from Brian. He said that it was time and to hurry up to dads. I quickly showered, called Shasta and asked her to take care of Cade and Molly in getting them to school and I hurried up there. I got there at 8:20am. Last night my dad told Nancy that he was too tired, he was done and this was his last night. Nancy put him to bed and some time during the night, my dad made his way out of his bed and into his chair and he drove himself out by the fireplace. When Nancy woke up a little after 7:00, she found my dad there in his chair unconscious. She called Brian. Brian ran up there as quick as he could and checked his vitals. His pulse was weak and his oxygen was was about 64%, instead of being around 98%. He called the hospice nurse and she said that it was time to call everyone in. When I arrived, my dad was in the living room in his wheelchair, unconscious. Erman Stone and Paisley Callister came to assist Brian and I getting dad into his bed where he would be more comfortable. We laid him on the bed and put his pajama bottoms on him and covered him up with the blankets. We held his hands and I rubbed his feet. I told him about the great memories I had of him playing school with me when I was little. I told him how I had always loved to comb his hair. I used to dip a comb in a glass of water and comb his hair. Then dip the comb and comb his hair. Before we would know it, water would be streaking down his face and neck. He would just quietly sit there and watch TV and let me do it.
Not many words were spoken that morning but volumes were felt.
Glen made it there about 8:45am. He took one look at dad and started to cry. We kept trying to reach Uncle Neldon who was working at the Provo Temple. Finally I called my friend Roxann Barney for help. She called the temple and the temple president, Stan Riding, found Neldon and Diane and told them to come home. Unfortunately they wouldn't make it in time. We just continued to hold his hands and rubbed his arms. He started to get a really weak heartbeat. Brian kept rubbing his chest hard telling dad to take a good breath. He would take a breath but he was never conscious. He really wanted to die but we wouldn't let him until Brent got there. I kept telling him that I knew that he was tired and ready to move on but he needed to wait just 5 more minutes for Brent. We called Brent and told him to hurry! Brent drove 125 MPH from Springville to Benjamin and got there as soon as he could. I kept telling dad to just wait 3 more minutes for Brent. Just wait a minute more..... I called Darren on the phone (he was in Orlando) and I held the phone to dads ear. Darren cried and told dad goodbye. Then I put him on speaker and put the phone on dads chest so that he could hear everything and be a part of it. Brent finally got there and came into his room and he stroked dads cheek and told him he was there. My dad gargled, his eyebrows pursed together and then relaxed. About one minute later I looked down at the oxygen reader on dads finger and it was zeroed out. I told the nurse to come and check him. She listened to he heart and whispered that he had passed. It was 9:25am.
Nancy sobbed. My brothers and I silently cried. Diana stood in the doorway with tears streaking down her cheeks. We continued to hold his hands. It was very peaceful. My dads jaw kept moving like he was still trying to breath and the nurse said that it was just reflexes. After some time had passed, Nancy went and got a shirt and Glen, Brent, Brian and I sat him up and got his shirt on him. We laid him back down and buttoned it up. I combed his hair and we had him all ready to go. Family and friends started to pour in to pay their respects. Carolee made it there, Neldon and Diane, their son Steve. Dick Hanks, Ralph and Sue Hughes, Debbie and Dennis, their son Gavin and his wife and kids, Kathy and all the kids, Sharon and Harold and several others.
We had the mortuary come and pick him up at 2:00pm.
We planned his funeral, the speakers, the songs, the prayers.
I ordered the flowers.
I came home to find that I had some pretty amazing friends and family. They had made my bed, washed my dishes and laundry, taken care of my kids, ran Jens to his orthodontist appointment and made us dinner.
I am so glad that I was able to spend that time with my dad. It was so calm and peaceful. There was no pain, no struggle, just peace.
My most favorite place to cry during this whole ordeal has been the shower. I have cried so hard so many times in the shower. No one to see me. No one to hear me. I have been able to spend his final days with him. We have had close talks, I've been able to confide things in him, share feelings with him, and then cry in the privacy of my own shower.
The place I hate to cry is late at night in my bed. I try to silence my tears and let them silently fall onto my pillow. Thankfully Jeff continues to sleep next to me without being disturbed. I don't know why but I sooo don't want him to know that I'm crying about it. Stupid I know, but I don't still the same.
I am ready to put this sadness behind me. I think I will have another loud, sobbing cry in the shower in the morning and then I will try to be done. Dad said that he didn't want us to cry and grieve his passing. I can't do that. I will have one more good cry, or maybe two, and then I will be done. I will enjoy his memory from that point forward.
No comments:
Post a Comment